I had a conversation with my father last night after he asked me about going to church with him today for Palm Sunday. I said I just didn’t feel ready yet and that I don’t feel going to church on Sundays is right for me right now in my journey with my faith. Some of you may think this is strange as I share daily about my morning devotionals, my faith in God and our savior, and trusting in His plan for my life. I want to share with you today the conversation I had with my father because I feel it is so important for you to hear. I feel maybe it will help someone else understand that your journey in your faith is yours alone. You have to do what feels right to you as you grow in your spiritual journey and with God.

The church that my father is attended today is where my mother worked for over 5 years. She worked in the office and went to church every Sunday. I would go often so that I could spend time with her. I knew that she would be there every Sunday and it was an opportunity for me to share in something that mattered a lot to her. I enjoyed going, but mostly because I enjoyed spending time with her worshiping, listening to the music (which often brought me to tears), and enjoying fellowship with her, my family, and the other members of the church. My father would go occasionally, but he wasn’t a regular attendee over those years. The members of the church were all kind, caring people (however mostly all over the age of 50 which made it difficult for me to connect with them). I went, yes partly to worship, but mostly to share in something that my mother enjoyed and loved. She felt at home there, however I never felt truly that it was right for me, but I did enjoy the services and would have some at times that truly spoke to me. I told my father that if he was going that’s great…for him. If he wanted to see the other members of the church, if he wanted to be there because they have been asking for him to go, and if he felt it was right for him. But…a big but…I wanted him to be going because HE wanted to, NOT because he felt obligated because of others and their desire for him to be there. THAT is what is most important. He often does things because he feels obligated and doesn’t want to upset someone else. I told him that this is something I’ve been learning over the years because I often did the same and it was so emotionally and mentally draining…as well as physically draining for me. I told him that I didn’t feel ready to go, but also that I don’t feel it’s what is right for me right now. I feel he wanted me to go with him, however I wanted him to also respect that it is something I just didn’t feel was right for me right now. In the past I would have gone because he asked me to and didn’t want to upset him, which is very much the type of person my father is too, but I knew if I went that I would have felt uncomfortable and anxious.

As I continued to talk with my father I shared with him that in my journey right now with my faith and growing closer to God I’m trying to find what is right for me. I have gone a few times to church since Mom has passed, but it just hasn’t felt right. I spend my mornings with my devotionals, in prayer, in meditation, and listening to worship music. I try to live each day doing what I feel is what He would want me to be doing. I’m serving Him through my daily actions and trying to live a life that He would be proud of. I work each day with children trying to get them to see what they are capable of and what their true potential is. I’m living each day as the best mother, wife, sister, friend, and daughter of Christ. I’m sharing his good word with others and telling them that it’s okay to share your faith with others because that’s what’s going to bring them closer to Jesus every day. I’m also starting a class soon through a wonderful online mentor to learn more about how I can serve the Lord and live in his truth. Through my daily actions I’m serving Him and growing closer to Him. That is what is important and that is what shows him that you’re living your truth as well as a life that He would be proud of. As I’ve focused more on what feels right to me in my journey I have felt happier and closer to God than I ever have. I’m feeling peace and joy in my journey and I want that for others.

I’ve learned that through my journey in faith, reading my devotionals as well as my Bible that you DO NOT have to attend church each Sunday to be a good Christian. Living your life each day for Him and serving others is what he wants to see. There are many people that attend church each Sunday and feel that is enough, however it is not, through the rest of the week they are not doing work to serve their lord. This is spoken in the bible in Romans 10 versus 9-10 “If you declare with your mouth “Jesus is Lord” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved”.

Your daily actions, your service to Jesus and to others is what makes you a good Christian. Knowing His word, accepting that he is your savior, that he sacrificed his life for your sins, and was raised from the dead is what makes you a Christian. Know that your journey is yours alone. Don’t do things for others because you feel pressured, obligated, or don’t want to let someone down. Do each day what feels right for you and will make Him happy. Serve Him and share your faith with others because you know it is what is right for you. I said to my father I felt that he wasn’t going to church to grow in his faith and relationship with God but to please others because he felt obligated to be there because they were asking him to. He looked at me with sad eyes and said “You’re right”. I told him that he needs to do things for him and not for others. He needs to serve the Lord each day and he’ll begin to feel better about himself and his daily actions. Please remember that You’re journey is yours.

God Bless xoxo

(First published March 28, 2021)